oh wow uhm hi i’m a trans girl and i have personal space issues and this kind of thing just bothers me so much thank you for highlighting it! ._.
Mind. Blown. Thank you.
I can’t remember how I came across your blog, but I’m in love. Two main things stand out to me that is literally life-altering.
One: how men take up space and what that means. Really, the title of your blog is basically how we can sum up feminism. “Move the fuck over, bro” can be applied to every single space, because even in 2014, women are still fighting for their share of space in pretty much every aspect of society. Plus, I never realized that I was scrunching myself up to be smaller. I have been… my whole life. It’s just been so normal to me, that I never questioned it. Until now.
Two… Your responses have been refreshing and jarring. Jarring because I don’t respond to people that way and I know it’s because I’ve been conditioned to be nice. Nice… Be nice. It’s like a broken-record in my head that I stopped noticing until I read your responses and how brutally honest they were. I’ve been trained to put others’ feelings before my own and it comes so naturally to me that I avoid confrontation at all cost, because I’m not able to be fully honest, because being nice has always come first.
I want you to know that what you’ve done here may not change men. But you are changing women like me. And I’ll be forever grateful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you. This means so much to me. I’m really, seriously, just so excited and amazed that anyone listens to me at all, but when smart and strong women like you get what I’m saying it makes all the hate mail worth it
Barbarians on my Public Transit
There are 3 seats there. THREE. This neanderthal decided they needed 2 for their butt and a third for their bag.
I’m trans, ftm, and when I go out in public as myself(that is, binding, trying to pass, ect), male mannerisms are something I certainly try to use. Prime example being exactly what this blog is all about(although not to the extreme, and I certainly move in if I see someone looking for a seat). Simply curious as to what your standpoint on this is. Do I think I’m entitled, or am I simply trying to establish myself, as you say(in your faq) women do?
I’m not in any position to speak on trans issues, so I could be totally wrong, but I would think that not passing would put you in some serious danger and anything you can do to help yourself in that respect is important
Please learn to be graceful
It is so important that you learn to accept that people will conduct themselves in a way that will not suit your liking. No matter what you do, people are going to not always suit your way of thinking- that’s just a fact of life. I am telling you with the best intent, you are gaining nothing by complaining endlessly on the Internet. Some of your claims and beliefs are utterly ridiculous as well.
In a sense you are reinforcing the gender idea that woman should compress and occupy a small space by imposing the same belief upon men. We should strive for equality, not for destruction. You generalise men in a way that is negative, condescending, and sexist. Some of the shit you say- “women are actually invisible to the male eye unless they are naked or carrying food, it’s a scientific fact you know”, “asking a man to move is incredibly intimidating for women, because of the very real threat of male violence.” is fucking unacceptable. Is it even possible for you to have male friends- or partners- when you hold these views? You have no obligation to have male friends and partners, but why would you shut down all men in this way? These statements are broad generalisations without a basis in fact!
You also complain when people tell you to just ask people to move. Communication is the fundamental component of society. You assume men will try and hit on you if you just talk to them, but this is an obscene exaggeration. A small number of extraverted men may do this, but a large number of men- who can be just as insecure and shy as women- will not. In your FAQ you state that some of these photos of men taking up large amounts of space are on empty carriages- don’t you see, this isn’t men imposing the capital-P Patriarchy, but men being fucking comfortable.
It seems the overarching view you hold of men is that “all men are shitheads.” Is this view not sexist? Do you not see? All you are doing is victimising yourself by incessantly complaining.
In fact, that is the running theme of your blog. Complaining. The world is not designed to suit your needs. You justify taking intimate photos of strangers without their consent by fabricating gender crimes- basing these absolute fabrications upon inference and assumption- and then violate their privacy by uploading these photos to the Internet. You claim it is men who are imposing themselves and their views upon others, when truly it is yourself.
Learn some grace. Men don’t have to change themselves to suit your needs. If you want them to behave in a way that suits you better, try and communicate with them. Do not assume the worst of them. Your shaming behaviour is completely unacceptable- it should be unacceptable to you.
I wish you all the best, I truly do. I just believe that you as a human being need to learn to appropriately deal with others who offend your sensibilities.
Was that gif graceful enough? I couldn’t find a laughing ballerina :(
I’m a transman. I came out awhile ago, but honestly I never really changed my behavior at all from when I identified as a woman. It’s been a few years since I’ve been on T now, and the more I pass… the more I realize that now that I’m viewed as a dude, all the rules change.
It’s very very frustrating.
You tell everyone, when you transition, that you’re not changing. That nothing about you is going to have to change. You tell yourself that.
This concept - taking up space - is a perfect example. I’ve always taken up space. I resented it in the men I knew, and fought it by taking up just as much space as they did. I was male; why couldn’t I take up space too!
When I transitioned, ftm safe spaces will TELL YOU to take up space. Men take up space. They state it as fact. I did it even more, as if attempting to prove my manhood.
Now, years later, years after fighting to just be viewed as male in public, I’m having to relearn my relearned behaviors. It’s so frustrating; to constantly have to change how you interact with the world depending on the world’s fucking perceptions of you.
My best friend, a gay man, ALWAYS removes himself so that women can sit down. He’s very aware of this, and tries to remove himself from the equation entirely. I’ve always thought it was so weird. I’ve always been the one going, “Kenny, you don’t have to stand up for this girl. People are people; women don’t deserve special treatment and you were here first.”
But I forget that it’s larger than that. That sexism is bigger than me. And that now that I am seen as male, I have a much bigger part to play that I really did before as a lazy lesbian.
So thank you for this. Even when you are completely surrounded by gender issues, stuff like this can get shoved to the side, and it’s a shame. Because it’s the small stuff like this that hurts people on the day to day.
Thought you’d be interested in this read!
A few people have sent this in and I published one of them, because over all it’s great, I just kind of have an issue with the part about comparing herself to Rosa Parks :/